An Imperfect Thought

I dreamt about zombies again last night, which was a good sign; usually the day goes well when I dream of zombies. I think it's because in those dreams, I'm either running/outwitting them or trying to kill as much of them as I can, which entails quite a bit of mental activity (especially when asleep, the degree of imagination can skyrocket to epic proportions!). And then while chatting with someone, it struck me: zombies would make EXCELLENT law school students. Let's lay the facts on the table, shall we?

1. Zombies can stand all day long.

Imagine yourself being grilled for more than 40 minutes by a professor who seems committed to squeezing out every single thought you've ever had in your life until you're as dry as a raisin. Or a professor who enjoys rambling on and on about his life, his connections, his opinions, all the while with you having to bear with it. Your patience wears thin. You recall the horrid memories of mandatory (sorry guys first batch to have an option, haha!) ROTC or CAT, baking in the noonday sun. Not a pleasant experience. But zombies can't sit. Because that would probably break their knees or something. So they can surely outlast your average law school student during the worst recitation days.

2. Zombies are slow.

Law school students find all sorts of reasons to leave the library and not study. "Oh a new movie has come out. Ang gwapo pa ni Piolo!" or maybe "dota na muna mamaya na tayo mag aral" or even "hang out muna tayo sa Plant natawag ka narin naman eh." But zombies are slow (at least the traditional, non-28-days-later ones). So if they were in law school, they'd have to stay in school all day. Imagine that. If I stayed in school all day, I'd probably be brain-dead by 11 pm. Not so with zombies. They don't have brains.

3. Zombies don't need to watch their health.

Cause they're dead. I mean, un-dead. Sure they smell bad, but no zombie has ever gotten sick. No zombie has ever had to file with the Dean asking him to excuse their absence (and void the 60 they got during yesterday's recit) and having to attach a medical certificate (not forged of course, as liability may arise) and going through all those slogging, procedural requirements. Oh and zombies eat brains, which I hear is a wonderful source of protein. The additional brain cells don't hurt either.

and finally

4. Zombies don't need sleep.

Man. This one... I really envy zombies. Dean Judd Roy once said: "sleep is overrated. just take drugs!" And was he ever right. Law schools should ban sleep. It really doesn't help you. Let's say you have 9 units worth of your heaviest subjects the following day... and you have to cover more than 500 pages worth of cases, laws, and commentaries. You'd do your best, maybe drink a liter of coffee, take all those vitamins, eat a dozen fuji apples, slash your wrists and sprinkle them with calamansi juice... but inevitably, a law student's worst enemy - sleep - will eventually overtake you. Or even if you manage to fight it off, you'll be utterly drained, and will probably slur during your recits. The teacher would be asking you about the liability of delaying the release to judicial authorities and you'd be telling him about the fact that you remember the first time you met him, making a speech about how wonderful he is as a teacher, praying desperately in your mind that the stupid bell rings and that you'll just be placed on deck...

BUUUUUUUUUUT if you were a zombie that would be no problemo senyorito. You could theoretically memorize the revised penal code in a couple of days. You could read all the books on civil law ever published in a week. Nothing would stop you from downright impressing your professor with the knowledge you acquired during the 24 hours of the day. You could draft your thesis, several even, if you wanted to, in just a month. You'd know jurisprudence not by heart (you don't have one) but word for word, SCRA by SCRA. As an added bonus, you wouldn't even need to spend for photocopying (which is getting quite expensive nowadays). You could even decide to forego a couple hours and use them to visit those girlie bars along p. burgos (not that I ever have). That is of course if you could walk there fast enough. It might take you all day so you better get started.

So in the spirit of midterms week, I salute the zombie race: thank you for not enrolling in the Ateneo and raising the grading curve to hellish proportions. I hope one day to emulate your amazing resilience in spite of all the dangers abound, in the form of chainsaw-wielding chicks, trigger-happy farmers with shotguns, and Paris Hilton.

Heil Zombies!

Yeah midterms. Haha, be back in a week. Hopefully I can fix this place up by then, maybe with pictures, opening the blog to the public, etc etc. Anyway, everyone enjoy their January ayt? It's wonderfully cold :)